What would you rename this manly mannequin?

Gregory the $500 mannequin
Gregory, a man[nequin] to avoid.

In 1989, Sharper Image began selling a mannequin named Gregory who could supposedly deter crime via “his strong, masculine appearance.”

He weighed 11 pounds, had no lower legs, and cost $499 with clothes ($449 without).

“Gregory’s stern appearance is no accident. His rugged cleft chin, square-set jaw, firm expression and broad shoulders telegraph to criminals that this is a man to avoid.”

The company primarily marketed Gregory to women who had to drive home alone at night. “He provides the appearance of a strong male in the car next to the female driver.”

I was curious why the name Gregory was chosen — if it sounded particularly “strong” or “rugged” to the marketers — but I was overlooking the simplest explanation: definition. They chose Gregory because it comes from the Greek word gregoros, meaning “watchful.”

Except, of course, Gregory isn’t watchful at all. He’s a dummy who just sits there. Making “Gregory” quite a misnomer, actually.

(And not only is Greg not watchful, but he “would be virtually useless in a real confrontation,” as one police officer put it.)

So let’s pretend you could go back in time 25 years and become part of Sharper Image’s mannequin marketing team. Now you’re in charge of choosing an appropriate name for the crime-deterring man-doll. What name do you pick, and why?

Source: He Sits, He Poses, but Use of $499 Dummy as Bodyguard Gets Mixed Reviews, What Old Sharper Image Catalogs Tell Us About American Life in the ’80s

9 thoughts on “What would you rename this manly mannequin?

  1. What about Noah, meaning “rest, repose”, since that’s pretty much all he does. And if someone asks if he’s your boyfriend, you can answer, “No … ah …”. ;)

  2. Nancy, you’re simply inviting bad jokes! (though I like Maarten’s suggestion). My own choice: Sitting Bull.

  3. Do you remember those Sasha dolls? The pic above puts me in mind of the “dark Gregor” type. Surely not because of its ruggedness, because Sasha’s are nothing if not bland… maybe it’s the hairdo and the vacant stare.

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